When the Proactive Measure You're Taking To Avoid the Awful Thing in the Distant Future Instead Causes the Awful Event To Occur In the Miserable Prese

First of all, I'd like to say that Blogger could not accommodate my lengthy title by a margin of two letters. This is bullshit. The last word of the title is "present."

Secondly, I'd like to say that I went down to the hardware store to copy my house keys and car keys, of which I only have one set of each. So far things haven't been a problem but I can easily see that day when I lose a set of keys and have to resort to the others to gain entry to my life again. If there are others...

So I marched down to the local hardware store (Laurel Hardware, not Home Depot, support the little guy) and the old man (it has to be good, an ancient man runs the place!) goes into the back and I hear furious metallic grinding noises and then a couple of minutes later he returns with my originals and the copies on separate little rings and I pay the trifle and then go home and when I stick my key into the lock nothing happens but I think I've just used the wrong key perhaps that's it but no none of the other keys work neither nothing works on either key ring, old and new.

So I march back down to the hardware store, feeling enraged, feeling like I'm the verge of a problem here and that I need to make a serious effort or I'm going to blow up at the old man and that just isn't admirable behavior. The small problem is that I've been sold a product that doesn't work. The big problem is that this has undone something that did work, that is, getting into my house. So one of three things has transpired.

1. The old man set my keys on a surface next to some other keys, made an involuntary switcheroo, then copied the wrong key and returned the two impostors to me (old and new).

2. Putting the original key into the "Play" component of the key thing somehow damages it so that when the "record" side does its thing it records the newly damaged lines of the original.

3. Someone knows I'm going to get my keys copied and quickly changes the locks on my door as an elaborate practical joke.

I tell the old man what has happened. "F***" he says. He goes into the back for awhile then comes back, empty handed. I make some comment and he disappears again. This time when he returns he's holding a new lock in his hand. "S***," he says, "call a locksmith and send me the bill." He hands me the lock and I return home.

I don't want to call a locksmith so I force entry through my small kitchen window, scale the wall, and jump in over my dirty dishes. Then I change the lock.

Now my landlord (who lives elsewhere and wouldn't answer my calls after 5pm) is angry b/c I've changed the locks and is demanding something. What is he demanding again? Who are these people?

Sheesh.

The right thing to do would have been not to plan and not be organize and not think about preventing the bad thing from happening.

The right thing to do is to be lazy and forgetful.

And today I locked myself out of my car when a woman driving an SUV was so far up my ass that when I signalled and slowed to parallel park she couldn't get around me and just honked and yelled and gestured while I did the same thing. After about a minute she finally got around me and I could back into my spot but I was so enraged that I shut the car off but got out with the key forward in the ignition and the car in reverse.

The engine was off but making that humming clicking "I am receptive, please start me now" noise for well over 30 minutes until the vato in the molester van with the giant key on the side took a coat hanger to my door and set me free.