This just happened so I thought I'd write it down before it vanished forever.
There will be a test.
Sleepy E goes down to the park at around 11:30 to shoot around by himself. He knows the main game doesn't start until 1:30, but he isn't really interested in running with that crowd--he just wants to shoot around for a half an hour.
There are two full courts. There's the A court and the B court (unofficially labelled so..the A court gets the pick-up games, the B court gets people without skillz).
Each court has a preferred side, closest to the park itself. Which I'm going to call the A-side. So if there are four half-court games going on then the A-side of the A-court gets the best game and the B-side of the B-court gets the worst. The B-side abuts a questionable softball diamond encircled by a chain-link fence.
All four courts are vacant, so E sets up shop on the B-side of the A-court, in order to be the farthest away from other humans. About 15 minutes in E notices a figure walking toward the A-side of the A-court. E turns his back and continues shooting at the B-side.
Suddenly, a whistle. Then another. And another.
E: (to himself): Surely that person isn't trying to get my attention by whistling at my back?
Another whistle.
E decides to keep shooting and not turn. Finally...
Man: Hey!
E: (turning) Yes?
A Man sets a small backpack on a bench and comes out onto the A-side of the A-court. He is empty-handed. He has no basketball. He yells the length of the court.
Man: Shoot down here!
E: (pause) But I'm shooting on this side.
The Man stares in disbelief.
E waits, then decides to be neighborly (even though he wants to shoot by himself).
E: You can come shoot over here with me if you want.
The Man frowns. He shakes his head, disgusted, picks up his pack with an angry swoop, and leaves.
E turns and keeps shooting.
That's it!
Now, the test:
TEST
1. What kind of person whistles at a stranger's back to get his attention?
2. What kind of person doesn't bring a basketball to a basketball court?
3. What kind of person shouts orders at total strangers?
4. What did the Man expect from this interaction?
5. What if the Man had a kid who was playing on the playground and The Man thought could keep a better eye on him from that side of the court, and so wanted to play but on that side and so that was what was going on???
6. If number five is true, why did the Man not say something like this?
7. And why did he exit the park altogether with no children by his side?
8. Why are people such weird assholes?
3 comments:
This is just another example of why I don't play at public parks anymore. The basketball social contract has broken down. You can't rely upon most players at any given public court to
1) have good manners
2) pass and screen away
3) not give cheap fouls
4) play defense of any kind
Good story Sleepy E. You need to find a regular game--a planned, private community of fellow b-ballers.
9. Why does an incident like this stick with you for hours and sometimes even days--hell, you could think about it years later and it would still have the same effect--influencing your mood and unsettling you, causing you to wonder about the weird assholitude, or even just plain weirdness, of all humankind?
(and by "you," of course, I mean "me.")
I could answer those questions, but then I would have to charge you $100. :)
What is a fascinating exercise is to imagine what the Man wrote about in his blog after the incident.
As to why there are so many weird assholes out there - it is the law of averages. There are 6 billion people in the world, so that means about 2 billion weird assholes...which is quite a bit - heh.
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