Herbie Goes Apesh*t

Is that someone you used to date
Why she's hanging around here, what's her story
Doesn't she know that its too late
That the party is over and the cars full, hey

Why dont u tell her what's been going on
Cuz she seems to be dreaming instead of just leaving
If you don't have the heart to fill her in
Then just step aside and let me lay it on the line

Cuz your mine
And tonight you dont revolve around here
Your mine
And this time I'm gonna scream a little louder

[Chorus:]
Dont wanna be like
Every other girl in the world
Like every other one who wants you
Cuz when I see you something inside me burns
And then I realise I wanna come first
I wanna come first


I made a promise not to blog about music videos anymore but Middlebrow has convinced me to finish up the abandoned book project "Out of Focus," so I must relearn how to write of these trivial things. Word of this Lindsay Lohan video debacle is already spreading fast. People I don't even know are coming up to ask me about it.

First of all, I must report that video is a tie-in for the upcoming Herbie retread "Herbie: Fully Loaded." LL is an interesting choice for Disney because she has been self-destructing in the tabloids for a good year now. Surely they must worry about LL's rumored substance abuse problem and Brandoesque antics on set? And how about these lyrics? "I wanna come first"? "This time I'm gonna scream a little louder"? I'm sure all her preteen fans think this bad-girl behavior is really subversive and cool but what about the Christian mothers who expect a certain standard of age-appropriate role modelry from their Disney product? Who is this LL succubus they are parading in front of them?

LL was on particularly bad behavior, whining and complaining and giving the extremely cool, extremely seasoned (and English) director a tough time from the outset. They've done a couple of videos together before and he's handled her but she was even worse than normal, rolling her eyes at his direction and even calling him out in front of the whole crew, claiming she wasn't getting any direction at all. You can't have it both ways, girl.

So the director finally snapped back at her, because he will kiss her bum to a point but after that he's the director and he's there to shoot this poxy pop promo, goddamnit. Well, LL didn't like that and stormed off. We had lunch and she never came out of her trailer after. The next night she came on set five hours into the day, did one shot and then left, saying "Sorry guys!" as earnestly as she could. She looked a little glazed, indeed, and we had a nice long inactive day to theorize on her personal life.

So we have to go back next Wednesday for one last day of shooting. But what if she doesn't come? What if she acts up? What then? Do they just call it off? My guess is that she's costing them somewhere in between $100,000 and $150,000 a day. How much will they take?

Indeed, this seems to be the underlying MO of the Pack, that group of ten or so handlers that follow LL around (including her manager, security, and hangers on). I blame them more than I actually blame LL. She is only eighteen, of course, and dimwitted and impetuous and heedless...but still only eighteen. These people seem to understand well that LL has a limited lifespan, that she will not make the transition out of the adolescent film and music markets into something more adult and long lasting. She has two, maybe three years ahead of her and they are trying to milk every single nickel out of her until she (and her career) collapses.



This is a picture of Renata, the very likeable Brazilian PA who was forced not only to stand-in for LL, but to sing and gyrate as well so that the creative teams could work out the camera and choreography cues. I can't think of anything too much more humiliating than that. My favorite bit was when she had to kind of crawl over Herbie's hood (hints of Whitesnake?) while singing to the camera. Her halfhearted attempts to mimic LL's teen sexuality were so awkward that in the end she actually was pretty durn sexy.



This is a picture of my assistant, R, who was paid $150 to be one of the background drivers in the scene. I skimmed off 33% of that, in true Mafioso fashion. Is it a coincidence that he looks like Bruce Lee in "Game of Death"?



This is a picture of a bewildered Sleepy E, who just cannot believe what he sees.