What is it about the non-complainer? What is it about this person? The stoic smile, the gentle reassurances, the fortitude, the boundless optimism. How in the do they keep their negativity in check? Or is it that they are able to shut it off at the source? How is this done? But how do they not rail constantly against the annoying injustices of existence? How I ask you? I try desperately to be like them, to keep my mouth shut, to detach, to cowboy up and be a real man who endures in silence, who never shows weakness. But still I cannot stop myself.
I complain pretty much constantly. I don't know when this started but that's where I'm at and that's where I've been at for a long time. There are two possible explanations for this: 1) The amount of complaining is not directly related to the amount of catharthis-requiring suffering, and so fills up time and space regardless of mood, and 2) That my life is unbelievably and consistently crappy.
When I first started doing camerawork there was always some older, bitter crewmember on set who grumbled about the rates, the food, the work, everything. "Why did he take the job, then?" I'd ask. "Put the guy out of his misery." How unpleasant to be around someone like this, a negativity oozer, a sour sack of bile. Yuck.
I have become this guy. Which is terrible, really, and selfish. I basically disallow too much complaining in my department but I'm free to whine as much as I want because it makes me feel better. It's what we do when faced with our own powerlessness. We complain. The complaining will not solve the problem, nor address the forces that created the problem to begin with, nor alter any decision or result in the future. It helps us to cope with our impotence and that is all. Can you believe that? How horrible.
They say committing adultery in your mind is just as sinful as the completing act itself. I wonder if the same thing goes with complaining...if I still experience a burning need to complain but do not--does this signify anything? Is this an improvement? Or is this just eliminating the symptoms of a much larger problem (alas, fixing the sweaty palms does not make a fever go away).
I wish I could be one of these people, one of these patient people who could stifle the need to rant about poor customer service and unappreciative employers and idiot policy. What would that be like? Or, even better, what would it be like to feel no ill will at all?
Perhaps it's God I need to find. Many of the poorest countries on earth (Haiti, etc.) are happier than wealthier countries b/c they have religion. Ah, to complain less, surely it is more difficult than giving up coffee. A noble goal but hardly realistic, I know this. God, this is horrible. I hate this. How I hate complaining all the time. Stop it. Shit.
4 comments:
Could humor be your cure? Verbalize dissatisfaction while at the same time entertaining others? Which come to think of it is what you're already doing at this award-winning (or should be award-winning) blog.
A friend once told me, when you meet people that are not working at the speed, efficiency, and skill that you are remember, "They are doing the best that they can." I try to remember that, though I still grumble at times. I personally find it exhausting to complain about the world all the time...I'd rather eat ice cream instead.
I rarely feel disallowed. Complaining is a way of coping for us, especially when we're around non-complainers all day. When complainers get together, we have to let it out. It's our own support group. I don't trust non-complainers wholly (sp?). Dare I say, "passive liars?" Plus, what would we talk about all 15 hours a day at work. I never feel like my life is crappy. I don't need to share all of my good times, b/c they make me happy. I need help with all the crappy stuff! -DB
I've been called a complainer at times. I've also been called the only person who can get things done.
God that is schizoid, isn't it.
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